It’s really amazing what you find when you do some deep cleaning. I spent most of yesterday going through boxes of files in my office/dining room getting ready to transfer it all into real filing cabinets. I found a lot of very interesting stuff in there, including some of my writings from a few years back. It was dated May 24, 2006 and as I re-read it, I realized that what I thought was a blog post was, in fact, a letter to myself. I’m posting it here because it feels like it’s the right time to share it with others, and because even after all these years, it’s a good reminder for me since I still struggle with some of these issues. Please leave a comment and share your thoughts after you read it.

May 24, 2006

“It doesn’t matter how many times you get back on this merry-go-round of life, the you that is now, in this moment, will never be again. And you owe it to yourself, and to humanity as a whole to make your voice heard.

You also owe it to yourself to do what brings you joy. And if you do anything less than this, if you settle for what outside forces determine you should have, then you are letting down all of humanity by being less than your full potential. But more importantly, you are letting yourself down.

The good news is that we get to change our thoughts, our hearts, and our minds with each moment. Each and every minute of each and every day presents us with a new choice, with the chance to take a “do-over” and begin again. Only this time when we begin we can use all of our life experience that we have accumulated to this point.

Knowing what you don’t want makes it very easy to pinpoint what you DO want — and it is yours — if you will but stand up and proclaim to the world…

I AM my FULL Potential!
I AM Living my Purpose in Love and Joy!
I AM Here, in This World, and I AM Perfect Just the Way I AM!

And when you can do this, it doesn’t matter what others think of you in human terms. If the naysayers laugh at you, it’s their loss. You can laugh with them, knowing that the pure joy of reveling in your uniqueness is so much more than they will ever understand. And you can then begin to write, draw, paint, or dance — whatever it is you desire to do that makes your heart sing.

You will never have to ask yourself again, “Will they laugh at me?” and you will never have to apologize again for being filled with joy and with love because the Universe knows, and the Universe is laughing WITH you because you are living your dream, and you are sharing that dream with the world.

It is such a wonderful feeling to know that those who are uplifted by your creations really do get it. And you, in your uniqueness, are uplifted by their creations as well. And as we all begin to create with a life purpose that is greater than just being rich in a financial sense, then we begin to change the world!”

Thanks for being here,

Change of seasons, change of mindset … it’s funny how that seems to work, at least for me.

My goal to get off disability took one step closer to becoming reality yesterday.

I had a meeting with a business coach yesterday. It was the first time I’d ever talked to anyone outside my circle of friends online about what I actually want to accomplish. I was really amazed at just how far one meeting went to change my mindset from a “just trying to make money at home” to feeling like a real business person.

So to celebrate afterward I took a walk along the river. It was such a gorgeous day, and warm too… I didn’t want to come back home!

I found an awesome fallen tree trunk to sit on, that jutted out far enough that I could take pictures of the river in both directions…

This is the view of the Hunter Street Bridge, looking north…

And this is the view looking south…

And now today, I’m back inside and getting back to work.

I guess for today I’ll have to confine myself to looking at everyone else’s pictures of the great outdoors. Thank goodness for Watery Wednesday and Outdoor Wednesday so I can get my fix even when I can’t get outside myself. :)

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching over the past few days, and it seems that my plans are changing once again. It looks like I’m staying put here for a little longer, but for the first time in years I’m okay with that.

While I was dealing with the idea of not moving this spring, one of the questions that kept coming up over and over was “Why am I holding on to a goal that no longer fits who I am in this moment?”

I realized that while I have changed a lot in the past year, I hadn’t made any new goals to go along with the new me. I was still holding on to the goals of the scared, abused person years ago. When I really questioned why it was that all of a sudden moving east didn’t feel quite right, when it had been my driving force for so long, was that when I set that goal I my only desire was to hide myself away in the smallest, most remote place I could find where I could sit on the beach and lick my wounds, as it were. And at the time, I needed that solitude, that time to heal and to find myself. If I’d been able to make the move at that time, it would have been the right one. Now, with all the changes I’ve made in my life it doesn’t feel right. And until it does, I’m staying put!

Don’t get me wrong. I still want to move. And getting out of here is still one of the main motivations I have for getting up and working each and every day. I feel like I’ve outgrown this area and my reasons for being here, but have stayed because I was afraid to make the change I wanted. Now, I’m more than ready to embrace the change but I want to make sure that it’s the right change. When I came here years ago, I knew absolutely in my heart, in my soul, and in my head that it was the right thing to do at the time. It was such a good feeling to know that I was in the right place doing what the Universe intended for me to do, and I want that feeling again! I know that this upcoming move (and I have no doubt it will happen before the end of the year) is going to be another life changer for me, and I intend to do it right.

Getting back to my original question of why we hold on to goals that no longer serve us… (sorry I got on a bit of a rant there)

I think that for me, (and I can only speak for myself) it was a security blanket of sorts. The decision to move east was the first goal I set for myself after coming out of years of abuse and not being allowed to have dreams and goals of my own. I wanted to go as far away from here as I could get, and start completely over in a place of my own choosing.

Even after I started to build up my self-confidence and live again, I hung on to that goal because it was still the one thing I had that was truly mine. Although I was questioning the rightness of it, I brushed the uneasy feeling aside and wrote them off as self-sabotage. It really wasn’t until I was talking with a friend about it the other day, and I accepted her assertion that I’ve been putting way too much pressure on myself to do this now, that I really started to rethink my plans. I needed to hear that message that the right thing to do will make itself known at the right time again. After all, listening to that little voice is what got me to where I am now.

What I’ve learned through all this is that it really is okay to change your plans. Letting go of old goals that no longer fit you is really freeing. There are so many options out there that open up for you, and each time you make a change more doors open. Sure, some close too, that’s part of life. But when you accept that you yourself have changed enough that your old goals no longer fit, and you allow yourself to consider new possibilities, you will be amazed at they way things start to flow again. Don’t let fear keep you in the place you’ve worked so hard to get yourself out of. You really do owe it to yourself to embrace new experiences and opportunities that are a better fit with the new you!