Challenge Update: It’s Day 2 of 60 and in exercise terms it’s my official rest day. I did my morning writing, watched what I ate all day, but took the day off from any strenuous exercise in order to let my muscles recover from the week’s activities. I will be back to the weights tomorrow, and then back in the pool on Monday. Can’t wait!

Today’s post is a reprint. It originally appeared in my newsletter The Acorn Stash back in September, but it’s so central to what we’re talking about here that I wanted to reprint it for you to read. I hope you enjoy it, and would love to hear your comments.

It’s a sad state of affairs that so many people, me included, have trouble accept who we are. We are taught from such a young age that to be accepted we have to become what those doing the accepting want us to be; that we should strive to fit it, to become acceptable.

I bought into this for so long that I allowed myself to be verbally and emotionally abused for most of my life because I wanted to fit in, to be accepted, to be loved. It’s taken me a long time, and there are days I still struggle with it, but I am learning how to love and accept myself for the person I am now, and to leave all the other crap (and that’s really what it is) behind.

Here are a few ways I’ve used to help me learn to accept me for me.

1. Practice Positive Thinking

Positive thinking works wonders when you’re learning how to love yourself. Repeating affirmations such as “I am perfect just the way I am” or “I am special” or even something as simple as “I love myself” can take the negative feelings that come from feeling unaccepted and transform them into positive feelings of self-acceptance and self-love.

This works really well when you start getting caught in the negative thought patterns that arise from other people listing what they see as your shortcomings.

2. Practice Positive Self Talk

I’ve written about talking like you like yourself before. It makes a big difference to your mindset when you practice positive self talk along with the positive thinking mentioned above. Thinking something and saying it out loud bring two different energies to bear on the issue, and when you hear yourself say “I am perfect just the way I am” it opens up a whole new energy in your mind and in your body.

3. Accept that You’re Not Perfect

Now, lest all this talk of being perfect go to your head (joking!), we mostly know we’re not perfect. It’s that quest for perfection that can lead to health issues such as eating disorders and depression, just to name a couple. There is a fine line between self-acceptance of imperfections, and self-abuse because you’re not perfect.

I know that telling you to just accept that you’re not perfect is easier said than done, but in order to accept yourself you have to learn to accept the things that maybe aren’t so perfect too.

Affirmations and positive self talk work well for this too. You know that you are perfectly acceptable just the way you are, even when you are not perfectly perfect. You just need to practice telling yourself this and not beating yourself up for it at the same time.

Clear as mud?

4. Don’t Let Other People Tell You Who You Are

That’s the biggie, isn’t it? We all want to be accepted for who we are, and when it doesn’t happen we change ourselves to be who we think others want us to be. Whether it’s parents or spouses or friends or even our children, we try and become what they want us to be because we think that will make us more lovable. In reality, it only makes us doormats.

In my own experience, it becomes way to easy to put your own sense of self away and become who everyone else wants you to be. Once you lose your sense of self, it becomes really hard to get it back. When you rely on others to tell you who you are and what you have to be to be accepted, then when those people are no longer there you are lost.

You have to learn to put yourself first. It may seem selfish (especially if you’re a woman of my generation and you’ve been taught from birth that everyone else comes first), but it’s the only way to regain your own sense of self. Make the decisions that are right for you. Act in the ways you know reflect your true self. Become the person that you can love and accept first and foremost and everything else will fall into place.

5. Pay Attention To Your Positive Attributes

Instead of focusing on the negatives and what everyone else wants you to change, learn to pay attention to your strong points and the things that make you unique.

Make a list. Stand in front of the mirror and catalog your positive features. Write down your intangible strengths, and then play to those.

We’ve already talked about imperfections — you know they’re there. There’s no reason you can’t improve on them and turn weak spots into strengths too, but don’t beat yourself up over it. The point is that you accept yourself exactly as you are now and know that you are worthy of being loved and having good things happen in your life.

Here’s the cool thing… As you get better at noticing your strengths and using them, you will become more accepting of yourself as you are now. As you become more accepting of yourself you will become more self-confident. As you become more self-confident, you will become more successful. It’s a pretty cool direction to be going in.

6. Let Go of the Past

I can’t say it any better than this:

“You are NOT your past actions. You are NOT your past failures. You are NOT how others have at one time treated you. You are ONLY who you think you are right now in this moment. You are ONLY what you do right now in this moment.” ~ Karen Salmansohn

Let it go. Stop worrying about the past and the things that you can’t change. Worrying only gives you ulcers and wrinkles and doesn’t accomplish a darn thing.

Love who you are in this moment, accept the things in the past that got you here, say thank you and send them on their way.

You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. Think it, say it, believe it, and accept it!

Photo Credit: seaships

Related posts:

1. A Perfect Fall Day
2. Thoughts on Accepting and Loving Yourself

I’m sensing a theme today … on accepting and loving yourself. Things keep popping up that remind me how important this is to know and understand … to really get it in the deepest heart of yourself, that when you love and accept your own self, all else flows from that.

So the first thing I saw this morning this quote:
‎

“When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible.” – Tina Lifford

And the second thing was a photo with quote by best-selling author Karen Salmansohn:

“You are NOT your past actions. You are NOT your past failures. You are NOT how others have at one time treated you. You are ONLY who you think you are right now in this moment. You are ONLY what you do right now in this moment.” – from the book ENOUGH DAMMIT :)

That one really got me, because it hit me right where all my own insecurities live.

I don’t know why we can’t love and accept ourselves the way we are. Are we really that conditioned to care what everyone else thinks of us?

I know I never lived up to my mother’s expectations of what the perfect daughter should be. And it’s not just some perceived inadequacy on my part… she told me how disappointed she was in me with a letter left inside her will. Guess she got the last word after all.

I know I never lived up to my husbands’ (yes, that’s a plural) expectations of what I should be as a perfect wife. I was either too fat, or too skinny, or too smart, not good enough at being the doormat, the list goes on and I really don’t want to go there.

The point I’m trying to make is that yes, we are conditioned from a very young age to become what others expect of us; to accept their vision of what we should be as our own and heaven forbid we actually try to be ourselves!

And I’m pretty sure that if it’s happened to me, it’s happened to others as well. I can’t really be the only one, can I? It’s not some special circumstance set out just for me, is it?

Even if it is, it’s not really about me. (Well, okay, it is … since it is my blog after all :) ) It’s about all of us standing up and claiming our own selves and being proud of who we are. It’s about accepting ourselves, warts, weirdness, and all and making the most out of it.

Because here’s the thing — and this is kind of what got me thinking about the whole thing in the first place — we are being told that we have to brand ourselves. That we have to put ourselves out there, be transparent and real and … *gasp* unique! And my question is this …. if you don’t love and accept yourself for who you are, how can you create your own authentic brand?

I see so many people trying to create a brand for themselves based more on what they think other people want to see in them, rather than what they can bring to the table if they are their own unique selves. I struggle with that too… I’m still so used to trying to be what others want me to be, and that is a hard habit to break. But it starts with knowing, accepting, and loving yourself for who you are now, in this moment.

Photo Credit: seaships

Related posts:

1. Thoughts on Being Yourself
2. New Thoughts, New Habits

I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually posted something written by someone else on any of my blogs. But I read this article this morning and it summed up so perfectly how I’ve been feeling and what I’ve been struggling with for the last little while I just had to reprint it here.

Enjoy!
Lena

Want to Grow Your Business? Listen to Your Heart
by Andrea Costantine

It’s not often that business coaches, consultants, or other professionals that work with entrepreneurs tell them to listen to their heart, but when you don’t it can be disastrous for your personal well-being and your business.

As conscious and service based entrepreneurs it’s even more important that we take the time to really turn within and seek the guidance that lives within us. My personal story and the stories of countless others are perfect examples that when you go against the feeling inside you, your results suffer. However, when you start tapping into what you really want, who you really are, and what you are here to do things begin to click, become in alignment, and that’s when magic starts to happen.

The power truly is within you. When you stop doing what everyone else tells you what you “should” be doing and start trusting that all of the answers live within, and that you will always be lead where you need to be for your highest good – synchronicity, attraction, and manifestation begin to occur.

Often we need to travel down many paths before we find our own, but no matter where you are currently or where you have been continue to seek your own path. Recognize that each of us are here for different reasons, we have different purposes to fulfill, and the only way we can truly tap into it and access that power is to listen to our heart, to the inner voice that lives within us, and the divine guidance that is available to us.

For me, I started off doing “business coaching” then “life coaching” but it wasn’t until I claimed my power, recognized what I was good at, and acknowledged my own gifts, skills, and talents that my business begin to grow (and it happened fast too!). In less than three months I have filled my practice up to 75% capacity and I get new client calls, referrals, and appointments weekly. I know the one thing that changed my business dramatically was when I was able to get into alignment, see my own value, and stop listening to what everyone else told me I “should” be doing.

Ask yourself “what do you want to do?” and “what is in your best interest?” If you are currently in a business where you aren’t fully connected, offering what you truly love and are passionate about, perhaps it’s time for a change. Realize this change can be small, even miniscule, but begin to make changes to help you shift to where your heart is truly leading you. No matter how scary it can feel to come out as the real you it’s amazing how much easier things will become.

The real you is good enough. In fact, the real you is absolutely perfect.

About the Author:
Andrea Costantine is the ConsciousPreneur Connection Specialist, connecting conscious-minded entrepreneurs with powerful resources to easily and effortlessly grow their business. Visit http://www.andreacostantine.com for your FREE ConsciousPreneur Kit today!

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