Today is definitely a day for celebration. My divorce was final yesterday and so today truly is the first day of the rest of my life. Or at least the first day of the next chapter. And let me tell ya, I feel like I’m standing in front of this huge vacant space that is the rest of my life, and I’m wondering how to start filling it up again.

I’ve got a few ideas and this morning I gave myself the morning off from planning to go out and play in the snow. There’s nothing like a blanket of fresh snow to really get my imagination firing on all cylinders. I came home with another dozen ideas to think about, and a few pictures that were actually good enough to submit for Wordless Wednesday. Imagine that… I’m finally getting the hang of using the settings on my camera!

The Path

I was out for my morning walk and doing some serious thinking about the direction my life is heading . It surprised me when I turned the recorder on in my camera that my voice totally dried up. Normally my inner chatterbox never shuts up. But as soon as I started to talk about why I wanted to move to Nova Scotia, I couldn’t put those feelings into words.

Everything that matters most is at home. — Paul Brandt, Home

And therein lies the problem. I’m still searching for home. When I think about all the self improvement books I’ve read over the last few years, and how they tell you to be clear on what you want it’s no wonder I’m such a mess! I have to ask myself, how can I realistically expect to get what I want when I can’t tell the universe what I want other than to say I want to find home?

The closest I’ve come to feeling at peace is when I’m in Nova Scotia. There’s just something about being near the ocean that soothes my soul. And that’s what has prompted this latest round of frustration. I’d planned a trip out there to look for a place to move to, and had to cancel it for lack of funds. And the lack of funds is my own fault because I let my frustration overrule my motivation and simply didn’t work hard enough to get the job done.

So I spent yesterday afternoon doing a major brain dump and formulating some plans for cleaning up the mess I’ve made over the last little while. The priority for me is to head out east for a couple of weeks to search for somewhere to live, and to calm my mind and soul down enough to be able to focus on the task of making a cross-country move.

One of the mailing lists I’m on sends out a quote every morning, and this week the one that caught my eye was:

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose — a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. –Mary Shelley

I can honestly say that my soul has been asleep for awhile now, and my intellectual eye has had a case of temporary blindness. But now that we are awakening, the search for home is on. Oh, and the mailing list is Powerlines for Women if you want to check that out.